Unbalanced

From time to time we like to have some of our students write their thoughts, stories or reflections on the blog.  Today we offer the thoughts of junior Jamie Edwards.

My life is unbalanced.  I have been striving my entire life to achieve balance.  Right now I feel pulled in a million directions.  I shouldn't be typing this now - I should be outlining the presentation I'm giving this Friday in comp class, researching for my history paper (before I leave for spring break and won't have access to the library), working on my studio assignment for tomorrow (hopelessly trying to figure out why the plotter never prints the color it shows on the screen and why foam core is impossible to cut), making an appointment to talk to my advisor and preparing for bible study tomorrow – but you know those things aren't really all that important.  Balance isn't important either.  In fact, balance is death.

Well, biologically, equilibrium is death.  Spiritually, equilibrium is death.  When things remain the same, constant, under control, under your control, where is God?  Where is faith?  You should always be striving, searching, moving.  God should always be moving in you, so that you may move for God.

 In my world continuously bombarded with assignments, interrupted by text messages, and centered around obsessively checking email, I worried about having time to lead a life community.  I worried about finding time for God.  In my search for balance I had pushed God out of the picture.  I mean, I still went to church most Sundays and came to bible study every Wednesday night, but I wasn't striving.  I wasn't allowing my spirit to be stirred, or more correctly put, I wasn't allowing the Holy Spirit to be stirred within myself.  I had become a passive Christian.  The reactions had stopped reacting, I had reached an apathetic equilibrium.  You could say, I needed a catalyst.  Some might say I've become a Catalyst, almost.

 Lately bible study with our life community has been great.  We've had a few of those “God things” happen.  The way events fall in order, and how the right person is in the right place at the right time, too much so to be a coincidence.  A lot of it is the stronger interpersonal connections being made within our life community.  The way you make a strong connection, do something completely unbalanced, crazy, make yourself vulnerable.  Tell us about the things you'd rather gloss over.  Crazy, huh?

Well, there is not a more crazy, unbalanced demonstration of extravagant love than that of Christ, the one we strive to emulate.

 

 

Retreat Reflection

We recently took a group of students on the Inter-Wesley retreat.  Students from five different Wesley Foundations were there, and we had a great weekend.  One of our Catalyst Interns, senior Melanie Claassen, shares her story from the retreat.

I was asked by Omar to write my blog entry as a reflection on this past weekend’s retreat.  Now, I will forewarn you, not all I am going to say is good.  Overall, the retreat was very good and I was made aware, once again, of a very important lesson; however, there were a few trials which I did not expect to have to deal with.  It all started with those of us being in 9A finding out there was a boy planning on staying in 9B.  We decided to speak up about it and I called Greg.  It was hard to do.  I did not think I would have to deal with such a situation at a Christian camp.  Then of course the girls never spoke to us thereafter. 

Then, the other trial leads to an eventual good and a lesson.  I am part of Alpha Delta Pi and so my LC consists of sorority sisters of mine; therefore the girls I brought were all ADPis along with me.  Well, as sorority girls the only t-shirts we own are ADPi t-shirts (we accumulate quite the collection over a four year period hehe) so all weekend long we wore adpi shirts.  Well, we felt like we were mistreated based on this fact.  Some Christians think of sororities as a non-Christian environment and I suppose those are who we ran in to this weekend, surprisingly!  A group of boys came up to one of my girls and asked her if he could borrow her UGG shoes so he could put it on to dress up and make fun of girls, specifically, sorority girls.  I don’t know if he knew she is a sorority girl, but those were his words… Well, the other situation involves me.  At dinner one day, the group next to us enquired as to why I was wearing both Nebraska and Colorado.  My sweatshirt was from a sorority sister at Nebraska.  Well, when I say “a-dee-pi” it sounds a lot like “ate a pie.”  My sorority gets made fun of at times because we’re not the “cool” sorority and do have some overweight girls and so people make comments like “adpi ate a pie.”  I find this to be very offensive.  Well, one of the girls at the table picked up on that statement so she starts laughing and then yells it over to the table next to us.  I was shocked!  How at a place like a Wesley Retreat would someone make fun of another?  Wasn’t the whole lesson Andy taught about being out of the usual box.  I went to the Hypnotic seminar so I am well aware that there were even hard-core drug users.  How could she and that group laugh about my sorority!  I was… uh… we’ll say very angry.  I glared at the table signaling that I did not appreciate what they were saying and although I noticed them noticing me, they did not stop.  I went in to worship that night with a very bad attitude.  I was definitely not in a worship mindset.  Well, I sat there thinking back to the lesson of forgiveness we heard at Catalyst one night.  I sat there, not able to pay attention to Andy and I started praying to God to help me let go of this.  I had also gone to Spiritual Warfare seminar that day so I took it as the devil trying to distract me that night.  I just willed myself with the help of God to let this go.  Well, slowly it started leaving me and I began being able to pay attention to Andy.  At one point I finally felt an overwhelming peace and calmness and the comments did not bother me.  I knew it was God’s power.

Well, so I started listening to Andy and I knew why God wanted me to pay attention.  Andy spoke about putting worth on ourselves and how our worth is not of this Earth, but because God created us and loves us.  It even relates to the situation.  I need not worry what others think of me; if they assume I’m un-Christian-like just because I’m in a sorority.  All that matters is that God knows my heart and He knows I live for him.  Also, I am personally a big over achiever and have set high goals for myself.  To be raw and honest, I gage my worth many times based on how I fail or succeed in the things I do.  Right now I feel a lot of worth based on what law schools do and do not accept me.  I also believe others are judging me based on where I get in or not and what my score was.  As I was sitting there listening to Andy I just became so fragile and raw for God.  I began to get emotional, begging God to help me realize this and more importantly to believe it and live it.  When I went to the altar Gregg came to pray for me and although I did not tell him that was why I was up there, he prayed for me for exactly that; specifically tailored to me.  God works through others like that. 

 

Remember, God created you and you are awesome, and that makes you worth the world… and His son’s death – what greater worth can there be?!?!?